Radiate at Home Experience
Hi, I’m Maggie. Welcome to Radiate.
What is the Radiate at Home Experience?
The idea for this page came from reflecting on the number of people who were unable to attend Radiate when we showed it in the winter of 2024. I received so many calls, texts and emails from friends, collaborators, and other people in my life who wanted to be there but couldn’t get out of the house, largely because they were too sick or in too much pain. For a piece built so specifically around my home, my experiences of pain, and the ways I care for my body, it felt wrong to leave these folks with nothing. So here we are.
The Radiate at Home Experience
This is the first version of what this experience will eventually become, and I’m excited to have you here for this early iteration. Take your time with the offerings below. Leave and come back. Take a nap. Engage in whatever way feels right for you. I’ve done my best to include multiple ways to experience each section of this page, and encourage you to choose whatever modality best suits you or to even move between them.
I’ll send periodic updates as the experience grows and shifts, as all access practices must. If you can, please let me know how your experience goes either using the form provided below or by emailing me. Take your time, though. No rush.
How do I use this page?
Basically, however you like! There are a few things provided below. The first is a film version of Radiate. This film runs almost 19 minutes long, so I encourage you to get comfy, maybe cozy up with your heating pad and favorite chair (you’ll understand that once you watch the film), before watching.
Next, you’ll find a score that I wrote as I was puzzling through the issue of how to build a connection between those of you experiencing Radiate via this at-home experience and myself as I’m performing it live onstage. A score is just a set of suggestions for how you might exist in space. You can either listen to the score, read it, or both. You’re welcome to move in response, simply read through it, or even just lay down and experience it as it plays. There’s no wrong way to engage with it.
Last, you’ll find a link to a google form where I’m collecting information from people on how they engaged with this experience, what felt generative, and any reflections they’re willing to share. I’d especially love to receive pictures or videos documenting your experience. This might be just a snapshot of you with your comfy setup for watching the film or a short video of you responding to the score. These photos and videos (only with your explicit permission, which I ask for in the form) may even become part of this experience in the future!
Let’s Begin.
The Film
The film version of Radiate shown here was created during my time as a Synapse Arts New Works artist in 2021 with mentorship from Bryan Saner. It constitutes one of my first attempts at exploring what it means to move in a pained body mind.
The film is just under 19 minutes long and includes embedded audio description and captions. I hope you’ll take some time before watching to get as comfortable as possible - whatever that means for you. Enjoy!
The Score
A note about how to use this score: This score is intended as a way to experience Radiate for those that, for whatever reason, cannot join us in-person. Please take whatever time you need or desire with it. You’re welcome to read through the score below or to listen to the recording linked to the right. During the score, I will offer suggestions for how you might respond. You are welcome to take what feels useful or interesting and leave the rest. Know that, though you are there and I am here, on stage, I am almost certainly wishing I was home. Radiate is for us. For the ones that cannot or do not show up.
[Deep breath] Hi, I’m Maggie.
Welcome to Radiate. You are here, still, even as you are there.
I want to first thank you for making the choice that felt best for you – to stay home. If it was not a choice – if you are home because you must be, I want to thank you, too, for joining us in this way. I hope it helps you feel as though you are with us – know that I am thinking of you as you are there and I am here.
During our time together, feel free to move around, leave if you need to, stand, sit, stim, and just generally make yourself comfortable. Ignore me or follow along fully. Just spend the time getting as comfortable as possible, whatever that means for you. Your comfortable might feel different than mine.
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Let’s begin.
Take a moment. Find your breath. Find a comfortable spot and settle in.
I want you to know that I am writing this score for you from my home, although I am supposed to be at the studio rehearsing. I wanted to be there, but my bodymind couldn’t do it today. Instead what it can do is sit here, with my heating pad, on my couch, under my lap desk, writing this score for us. The people at home.
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Take some time to feel out what your bodymind can or can’t do today. Move soft, stay comfortable if you can, and feel out the edges of what you can do. This is not about what you should do or someone else’s idea of what you’re supposed to do. What does it feel good to do? I like to start this process by bending my knees and feeling how they’re moving today. Sometimes I do that for a long, long time. Bend, bend. Bend, bend. Bend, bend. Again and again. Long enough to feel the warmth grow and spread into my hips and ankles.
It might be different for you. It’s possible you want to move, it’s possible you’re simply laying still. If so, what is still for you? Sometimes, I find even when I think I’m still I’m moving in some way to comfort myself. Rubbing my fingers, stretching my toes, breathing. For me, writing this score for us feels like a thing I can do today. Do what you can do, whatever that is, but keep in mind our goal – we’re seeking comfort. Together, though you’re there and I’m here.
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When you’re ready, take a moment to think about an item, object, tool, or something else that helps you seek comfort. For me, this is almost always a heating pad. Do you have that thing nearby? If you can, grab your object and bring it close to you. Get someone to help you if you need to. If you can’t, sometimes imagining the object works also. Feel (or imagine) its weight, color, texture, temperature, scent, everything. How does your object change what your body can do? What new options does it create? At the same time, what new limits does it create? My heating pad has to be plugged in, so it keeps me within range of the outlet. A little half circle around the plug that I live within when I need its warmth. Again, explore the edges of what your bodymind can do with your object. Always moving toward comfort. Together, though you’re there and I’m here.
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When you’re ready, I want to imagine we’re sending our objects to one another. Their limits don’t exist anymore. I’m imagining the warmth and comfort of my heating pad out from my apartment to you. It doesn’t leave, but somehow, we can each feel the comfort of the other’s object. Does this change how your comfort feels? Does it change what your bodymind does in response to your object? Take a moment to one more time explore the edges of what your bodymind can do today. Always moving toward comfort. Together, though you’re there and I’m here.
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Slowly bring your object back to you. Let your bodymind rest – whatever rest means for you. Usually rest for me is that stillness that’s not quite still. Sitting in my comfy brown chair, supported, but relaxed. One leg tucked under me. Outlet nearby. Heating pad plugged in and turned up. I rub my fingers together on my right hand. I sit, still. Wearing my favorite soft nightgown and warm socks. Find your rest and move deeper into it. Adjust if you need. Always moving toward comfort. Together, though you’re there and I’m here.
